"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Monday, July 11, 2011

I'll Go First.

I don't expect many people to understand this as it is very inside.

 I read a lot of blogs.  While reading this week, I came across a somewhat older post that struck me with fresh insight into my life and marriage.

A Grown Up Marriage featured a post in May, entitled That's Not My Preference, in which the author discusses the changes that occur in marriages (yes, people really do change) and the adjustments that must be made to accommodate these changes in a spouse.  

The feature has some blunt things to say about love and intimacy, and the fact that some people spend a lifetime looking for something in their spouses, whether it be a closer relationship, or deeper trust, etc., that simply will never come about.  As the blogger writes, "... many of you may be searching for something you spouse doesn’t currently have the capacity to provide and may never have the capacity to provide ...."

He goes on to state, "... you should not expect your spouse to desire you the way you desire them because that may be something that they currently don’t have the personal experience to do and they may never have it. On the other hand, those of you who fall on the other end shouldn’t expect your spouse’s sexual desire to change either. Accept it for the sign of love that it is to them and be sexually generous with them. Work to understand one another and to meet their needs not in a immature, manipulative way but in a way to please and honor your spouse and marriage. Your will be stronger and you will feel better and be acting like a grown up."

In my last post I wrote about husbands loving their wives as Christ loved the church, giving His life for it.  I suggested that, to me, the theme of the verse is sacrifice, and that I must sacrifice what I desire for what my wife desires.  The Grown Up Marriage blogger reinforced my opinion that I must sacrifice for my wife.  Maybe she will never desire me the way I desire her.  It's my responsibility to live with it, find an alternative to meet my own needs (plan B), and move on.

Who will change and who will go first?  According to Paul Byerly (The Generous Husband), the grown-up goes first and does more.  So, if I want to please and honor God, then I will go first.  I will give her everything and more, expect absolutely nothing, and find other ways to fulfill the rest.

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