"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Waiting for Barnabas


Lawrence LaSalle of Awesome Husbands recently contributed a post entitled 4 Types of Mentors Every Man Should Seek.  In the article he outlines the three mentors that, according to Howard Hendricks, every man need in his life.  While speaking at a rally for men, Hendricks said, “You need a Paul, you need a Barnabas, and you need a Timothy.”

Paul = someone more spiritually advanced than you are.
Barnabas = a confidant: someone on your level to whom you can turn.
Timothy =  someone who is in need of a mentor.  Someone you can take under your wing.

Okay, while that's fine and all, why do these people have to be men?  Why can't I find a woman to be my mentor? The answer likely has much to do with the fact that when men talk to women they tend to hold back what they really want to say. In a mentoring situation, that will not do.

Lawrence goes on to explain the problems that came about as a result of a generation who grew up without those mentoring relationships.  The lack of fathers, grandfathers, and other men in the lives of boys, has caused a downward spiral for our so-called "civilized" society.

He explains that there are actually 4 types of mentoring relationships that men should develop in their lives.

Older Friend Mentor - It's good to have a friend who has wisdom; someone who can show you a better way to do something, because he has been through it.

Marriage / Husband Mentor - Look for a mentor who has proven that he is a good husband.  Find someone who has an exemplary marriage, someone who knows how to lead, someone who loves his wife as Christ loved the church.

Spiritual Mentor - Seek out someone who has a faithful spiritual life, and who will help you grow in your faith.


Accountability Mentor - Someone who will call you out on your sin is a great friend to have.  Accountability is a difficult thing.  It often hurts, but it is necessary if we want to grow closer to God.

While I appreciate the idea of the different categories,  I also find it unnecessary to look for 4 different mentors.  It would likely prove to be exhausting and confusing.  I don't do exhausting and confusing very well.  For someone like me it would be a sure-fire recipe for failure.  I'll stick to the three that were suggested in the first place, by Howard Hendricks.

Okay, so with that in mind, how am I doing?  Do I have a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy?

At the moment I have a Paul and a Timothy, but, sadly, no Barnabas.

2 out of 3 ain't bad, right? (*sigh*)

I've had friends who I considered to be confidants in the past, but they either died, moved away, or changed direction in such a way that we could no longer maintain that close connection.  In other words, lives change, people drift apart. Currently there isn't a person to whom I can tell anything, without judgement or repercussion.

It's not like I can advertise for a friend on Craigslist.  Well, actually I guess I could, but that would be very weird, and wrong on so many levels that ... never mind.

I will just continue to leave myself open to opportunities for friendship, and eventually I will find a man who will be my confidant, and I his.  Until then ... I will wait on the Lord.


... Later! 

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