"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Friday, April 20, 2012

Are You the Wrong Person?


It’s time to be blunt.  It’s time someone stopped dancing around this subject and laid it on the line.

In the past few weeks I’ve seen a lot of people blogging about being married to the “wrong person.”  Blogs like this one from Up With Marriage and this one from Marriage Life Ministries.  Both very good posts, very well written, godly, agreeable and correct.  Both bloggers touch on the real issue, but they don't go deep enough into the true essence.  

Okay, so let’s examine the wrong person phenomenon. 

Let’s say you and your spouse fell head over heels in love with each other, and under those circumstances, were married in a lovely ceremony, surrounded by 300 of your closest friends (300? Closest friends?  Really???)  Anyway, after a few years the cracks and flaws began to show and one day you realized how little you actually have in common. 

Every married person gets a surprise or two along the way.  Does it mean you married the wrong person?  Maybe.  Does it mean you are the wrong person for your spouse?  Probably.

What to do, what to do?

Here’s an idea.  Instead of throwing a gigantic pity party for yourself and wallowing in the misery of knowing that you married the wrong person, why don’t you start BEING the right person? 

Impossible, you say?  Nothing is impossible when we keep our eyes on God. 

(Provebs 3:6)
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Does your spouse want something you aren’t willing to give? Then grow up and start giving.  Start doing.  Do you take your role seriously?  Are you married or not?  Is she your wife?  Is he your husband?  Your spouse is supposed to count on you to meet his/her needs and desires. 

But, society tells us what is proper and dignified.  It isn’t dignified to do some of those things. 

Why should we give a rat’s butt what society thinks?  Do we obey society or God?  Are we not followers of Jesus Christ?  Hasn’t He given commands to husbands and wives with regard to their duties to one another?  Have we lost our focus?  I believe so.

When we fix our eyes on Jesus and follow His lead, surrendering our marriages to His will, when we live for Him and do what he has commanded, then we fulfill our roles as husbands and wives.  We live our lives and fulfill our roles as husband and wife as God intended it to be, naked and unashamed.

Married people should never feel embarrassed ashamed or feel humiliated to do something to please their spouses.  Never.  We should delight in pleasing our spouses enthusiastically, without a single thought about being humiliated.  Humiliated?  By obeying God?  I don’t think so. 

(1 Corinthians 7: 4-5)
The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Husband

Your role is to love your wife.  Love YOUR wife, in the way your wife wants you to love her.  She was given to you as a helper.  Your job is to love her as Christ loved the church, to sacrifice your life for her, to put everything aside in order to serve her. You must provide her with the things she needs and do for her the things she desires.  Be the right person for her, and she will not go through life believing she married the wrong person. 
  • If she needs you to fix something, do it. 
  • If she needs something from the store, get it for her.  If she is running out of toothpaste, buy it for her (please be sure to buy the brand she likes, not the one that’s one sale).
  • If she needs to talk, listen to her. 
  • If she needs some quiet time, take charge of the kids and let her have some time for herself. 
  • If she wants to cuddle, pour two beverages and cuddle with her. 
  • If she wants something particular in the bedroom (hey, it could happen), learn about it and indulge her with enthusiasm.
She is your wife and you are her husband.  It’s time to grow up and become the right person, the person she can count on to grant those deep wishes that until now have gone unsatisfied.  Be the man who fully commits to satisfying her most intimate desires until she couldn’t possibly entertain the notion that she married the wrong guy.
 
Wife

Your role is to submit to your husband in everything.  Submit to YOUR husband, not society’s idea of what a husband should be (remember – we don not serve society, we serve God, and He said this is how it should be).  He is unique with unique needs and desires.  You are his wife; you were given to him as a help meet for him and your role is to be there for him, and to do things that please him.  Be the right person for him, and he will not go through life believing he married the wrong person. 
  • If he needs clean clothes, wash them for him. 
  • If he needs a quiet place to work, clear out a quiet corner for him. 
  • If he needs comfort, hug him. 
  • If he needs extra cash to pay a bill, find ways to cut corners. 
  • If he likes certain foods, cook them for him.  If he enjoys a certain beverage, bring it to him. 
  • If he wants something particular in the bedroom (hey, it could happen), learn about it and indulge him with enthusiasm.   
He is your husband and you are his wife.  It’s time to grow up and become the right person, the person he can count on to grant those deep wishes that until now have gone unsatisfied.  Be the woman who fully commits to satisfying his most intimate desires until he couldn’t possibly entertain the notion that he married the wrong girl.

How wonderful would our marriages be if each of us stopped complaining and became the right person for our spouse?  It comes down to this:  If you are married, then it is your job to do everything you can to satisfy your spouse’s wants and needs. 

Be the right person.

From the inside out,

TB
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