"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Thursday, October 4, 2012

A Husband Is Helpful: CMBA Blog Challenge Day 4



The Christian Marriage Bloggers Association has challenged bloggers to publish a new post every day for thirteen days.  This is day 4 of the challenge.  

Continuing my theme of the Boy Scout Law applied to Christian husbands, today's point is:

A Husband Is Helpful


Galations 6:9 says, And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 

Am I helpful to my wife?  Do I do things that assist her or hinder her?  Am I an encouragement or a stumbling block?   Am I still doing her good or have I grown weary of doing good?

Of course I could say that I help a lot around the house with things like shopping, cooking, child care, mowing, garbage duty, etc...

BUT

Is that enough?  Do these items really help my wife?  Does she feel the love coming from my helpful character or am I missing an important ingredient?  Do I really help her?

Let's analyze.

First, does she need help with the shopping?  If the answer is yes, and I take over some of the shopping, I am helping, right? 

Maybe.

You see, sometimes I stray from the shopping list when I see something that's on sale or something new that looks terrific.  While I mean well, it doesn't always help the family menu, the overall health of myself or my wife, or our finances.  Regardless of the great deal I got on cheese curls, if that money could / should have been spent on something we actually need, my little shopping spree isn't very helpful.

Likewise, I may think I'm being helpful when I get the children ready for bed.  However, if my wife actually needs me to hang a new shelf or fix a broken cupboard door instead, I am not being helpful.

What I need to do instead is PAY ATTENTION.

When I pay attention to the desires of my bride as well as her needs, I will be able to help more effectively.  When I do things for her that matter to her I am blessing her with my help rather than getting in her way. 

When I ask her what she needs, I am often surprised by the answer.  Sometimes she doesn't want me to bathe the kids.  Sometimes she wants me to clean out the car instead.   When I do the specific things on her list I am truly loving her as a husband should love his wife.

What about confrontation?  

Huh??? 


Oh, boy ... here's a tough subject. 

When my wife does something that harms me or neglects to do something that I need or desire, do I handle it in a helpful way?  Do I confront her with my needs or do I drop it?  Am I willing to give her constructive criticism in a kind, patient manner to help her grow and improve as a wife?

I have to admit that I usually take the path of least resistance.  I tend to like my life to be free of conflict, so most times I settle for less than what I desire in order to keep the peace.

Is that helpful?  If I settle for the status quo when God is telling me to strive for something more, I am not only being unhelpful, but disobedient to my Heavenly Father. 

So I need to pay more attention to my wife and her needs/desires.  Also, I need to pay closer attention to the Holy Spirit's promptings in my life, especially where my marriage is concerned.  I must listen and never grow weary of doing good, no matter how inconvenient or uncomfortable.

I want to challenge other husbands who read this post to do likewise. Listen to your wives and help her in ways that truly minister to her and address her needs.  Heed the Holy Spirit's voice.  Speak up when you have to, confront when you have to, and by all means, NEVER forget to snuggle when you have to. :)

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