"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Friday, January 25, 2013

Is She Better Off With You Or Without You?

Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
People have been getting married for thousand and thousands of years.  Some do it for love, some for money.  Some marriages are pre-arranged deals made by two fathers in business-like transaction where the lives of their young ones hang in the balance.

No matter the reason, marriages happen because we all believe being married will somehow make things better.  Marriage is supposed to be good for you - you are better off married than single.

Hmmm ...

Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord."

I found a good thing when I found my beautiful bride.  According to the above verse, I obtained favor from the Lord. 

But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:9)

Apparently I got an outlet for my passion (an interesting way to refer to my wife).  Actually, she's far more than that.  Actually, I can't put into words all the things she is. 

What did she get out of the deal?   Besides a selfish, fat, lazy old grouch, that is?

That is the question.  I assume she married me because

A) she loves me, and
B) she thought she would have a better life with me than without me.

Has she had a better life?  Does her life reflect the wonderful benefits of being married to me?  Would her life be better or worse if we were never married?

That's a very good question.

I suppose it depends on whether I am doing my job as a husband.  God gives us many guidelines in His
Word with regard to the do's and don'ts of husbanding.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (Colossians 3:19)

While I don't believe I've been harsh with her (in fact, I let a lot of things roll off my shoulders that other men most definitely would not), I'm not sure she would see it the same way.  I try to let many things roll off my shoulders, but not all things.  Sometime my words might seem harsh.  

Is this a better situation for her than before we were married?  Does she feel the harshness of my words?

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, (Ephesians 5:25)

Does this describe me?  Do I give myself up for her?
Not always.  Many times I fall back on my old, selfish, lazy routine and I don't do the things that would make her happy, make her more comfortable, more secure.  I don't fix stuff right away, I let the list (you know ... THE LIST) grow and grow when I should be chipping away at it little by little.

It seems she got the short end of this one.  Hmmmm .... Perhaps I could do better.

Why would she be happy when her husband is so selfish?

When I love and serve her, sacrificing things and desires that are important to me, she appears happier.  She smiles a little more.  She seems a bit more content.

Why, then, don't I serve her more, do for her more, sacrifice for her more?

Husbands, it is our job to make sure our wives' lives are better because they married us. Not in spite of marrying us.

How do we accomplish this?

  • Make sure we submit to the authority of God.
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3)

  • After Jesus, make your bride the main focus of your life.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, (Mark 10:7)

  • Learn to be content.  Make sure she knows you are happy with her, even those days when she doesn't make you happy.
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, (Proverbs 5:18)

I know I haven't always given my bride the best.  I haven't loved her with Christ-like love.  I haven't given myself for her.  But I intend to change.

I hope you will, too.