"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Thursday, February 28, 2013

"Something" Was Wrong

What would cause a man to take leave of his senses and abandon the woman he promised to love for the rest of his life? 

Why would a husband and father throw away the most important relationship God gave him on earth? 

How does a marriage get to the point where a husband leaves his wife and children? 

Each year millions of husbands leave their marriages and strike out on their own, leaving their devastated families to fend for themselves.  These men give various reasons for such behavior, none of which generally involve an admission of fault on their part. 

Many of them recount times when they felt unloved or disrespected in their marriages.  They think they will feel better when they are "free" from the constraints of marriage.  The real problem is that many of them don't "feel the love" anymore, but they don't know how to express those feelings.

*NOTE - marriage is a covenant between a man, a woman, and God.  Husbands who enter into the covenant of marriage, then abandon the very relationship that was brought together by our heavenly Father, are living in sin, make no mistake about it.  There isn't an "out clause" in the marriage covenant.

According to Leslie Cane, "Husbands Leave Because They've Lost A Feeling, But This is Usually Less About How They Feel About You, And More Of How They Feel About Themselves: More than anything, men want to feel admired and loved, and they want your attention to prove this. It's very likely that when you were first dating, you hung upon your husband's every word, lavished him with attention, and looked up at him with big adoring eyes." (Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1324637)

Wives often are unaware of the great amount of admiration and attention their husbands need from them.  However, it isn't in the nature of an average man to express his need for "more __________," or "different _________," or "deeper ___________."  Women, therefore, are often blindsided by a husband who suddenly slaps them into the reality that there's a problem.  A BIG one.

But .... Is that always the case? 

When a wife experiences the shocking reality that her husband is leaving, the most often heard comment is, "I had no idea.  It came out of left field."

While I am not a woman,  nor do I presume to know everything (or anything) about them, I have been on the raw end of a few break-ups. That said, every time it happened, I reacted the same way; with shock and disbelief.  But if I were truly honest with myself I would have admitted that there were clues - little things that nagged at my mind and tore at my gut.  There was ... something ... wrong.  I wasn't sure what, but there was ... something.

The big trouble happens when that "something" goes unexpressed.  An unmet need ... an  ignored request ... a disrespectful attitude.

Whatever the "something" is, both sides of the couple feel it.  They don't want to admit it to themselves or each other, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

The key here is communication

Husbands - you must express your feelings.  If you are unhappy about something, say so. If you are feeling unwanted, tell your wife about it.  If you keep it bottled up inside, you will blow your top, and it won't be pleasant.

Wives - when you get that "feeling" that something is wrong ... something is wrong.  Don't ignore that feeling.  talk to your husband.  Ask him if there are things he would like to be different, better, deeper, etc.  Then, listen to what he says\ and don't dismiss his words just because you don't like what he's saying.

Both of you - Communication.  Prayer.  Communication.  Sex.  Communication.

Talk to God.  Talk to each other with your words and your bodies.  Glue yourselves to each other inside and out.  Be genuine and honest.  Give and do for your spouse, even if it's uncomfortable. Even if you don't want to. be diligent and do not give up.

Your marriage depends on it.



  1. How important it is to stay in tune with our spouse! You've said it right when you said it is important to be glued to each other inside and out. Knowing what's going on in your spouse's life and being the only listening ear he really cares about in the world.

    1. Amen! It's when we start listening to other voices and opinions that things start going wrong. We need to be vigilant about staying focused on God and His plan for our marriage. He blesses our marriages when husbands and wives stay focused on Him and each other.