"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Love is ... A Clean Garage

I'm a bit of a foodie.  I love to cook, I love the whole thing from shopping for food to slicing the veggies to dismembering the chicken to simmering the sauce.  It's one of the services I provide.  It's one way I show my love for my bride and our family. 

You see, we took the survey at the end of Dr. Gary Chapman's book, "The Five Love Languages," and we discovered how to push each others' love buttons.  We now hold the secret of love.  I know exactly how to make my wife happy all the time!  Right?

Wrong.

Even though my wife's love language is "acts of service," if I don't get more specific with my acts of service she will still feel blah about my feelings for her.  The love language survey is a good place to start, but it's just that - a starting point.  Within those love languages there are a vast array of specifics.

I can cook and wash dishes, do all the shopping, mow the lawn, fix a leaking faucet, keep the cars in good repair, put the kids in bed, and any number of things that I consider to be "acts of service," but my wife will still feel unloved. 

Why?

Because she feels particularly comfortable and loved when her environment is pretty and organized.  That means gardening, painting, putting things away, even (*gulp*) cleaning the garage. Oddly enough, when I clean up and put away she feels loved in a way she needs.  All the cooking shopping and repairing in the world won't give her that.

In the same way, my love language is pretty much divided between acts of service and physical touch.  So if my wife does things for me just because she thinks she's "supposed to," or goes through the motions of touching to make me feel loved but she doesn't get specific in the ways I need to be served or touched, she's wasting her time.  Love languages are much more specific than that.    

So next time you think you are speaking your spouse's love language, stop and think about whether it really speaks love to her.  Don't just do it out of duty, and certainly don't do it with your hidden agenda in mind (admit it, we all have one).  Do it because you want her to feel loved the way she needs to feel loved.


7 comments:

  1. You are right. It's the specifics that speak love louder than anything, even when we don't understand why those particular specifics are so pleasing to our mate. It's not that hard to do them anyway. Thanks for the reminder!

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    1. It's something I've been working on, but I still fall terribly short of showing my wife the love she needs. For example, even though I wrote about cleaning the garage, I still haven't finished cleaning and organizing mine. It's something that I know I have to work on.

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  2. I've not thought through the specifics of my or my husband's love language. I haven't read this book in quite a while. Maybe I should revisit it and see what my husband and I can discover. This is a great insight you're highlighting, Thomas. I appreciate your passion for marriage, my friend!

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    1. Thank you for the kind words. I read the book quite a while ago and recently re-read it. It's amazing how much more in-depth the love languages become when you start talking specifics.

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  3. Great information, I always have trouble keeping my garage tidy and clean. I've made a promise to myself to put away all of my tools and not use any extra space as a storage room for things I don't need. My garage also has some pretty badly stained concrete floors that I have been trying to research a cleaning method for; any tips?

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    1. As a rule, I don't worry about stains on my garage floor. Hey, it isn't the Mona Lisa - it's a garage!

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  4. My garage is a terrible mess and much of it my recycling old stuff from when I had my shop. I keep wanting to organize, but that is my thing unless I get inspiration. But know with your post, I should really try to clean my garage not to look like pretty bad.

    https://maximumcleaning.com/trash-removal-nj/

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