"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Weekly Top Ten

Saturdays at The Genuine Husband I post a weekly "top ten" list of the best blog posts for husbands and wives. Some weeks my picks will be more husband-oriented and sometimes more for wives.

Sometimes it will cover topics many churches are afraid to talk about.

Always it will be a collection of posts from solid, Bible-based marriage blogs covering topics that are important in God's holy covenant of marriage.

So, without further ado, here are this week's top ten (numbered only for convenience. Happy reading!

1. The Forgiven Wife
What Did I Know, and When Did I Know It? - Do you know the damage of "no?"

2. Happy Wives Club
Teamwork Makes the Marriage Work - 1+1= much more than 2

3. Engaged Marriage
Are You Generous and Holy in Bed? - What does generous, holy sex look like?

4. Singing Through The Rain
More Than Just Love - What else does a marriage need?

5. Keeping Up With The Jayneses
Year 1 - What We've Learned - A young couple learned a lot in their first year of marriage.

6. Girls Being Girls
Strange Things Husbands Do - Sometimes husbands express themselves inappropriately ... or do they?

7. The Generous Husband
Headship - The Bible says the husband is the head of the house, not the leader. Hmmmmm .........

8. Refine Us
The Whole Truth - Tell it.  It will make a HUGE difference.

9. All Things Marriage
A Very Important Question For Husbands - This turns the submission thing in a different direction.

10. Flourish
From A Man's Heart: Why Your Husband Needs Your Prayers - He really does!

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Love Is A Feeling ... NOT.

We were watching a "Last Chance Detectives" video while on vacation (thunderstorms closed the beach for a while), when a line from the movie struck me inside like a hammer.

A boy and his grandfather were trying to repair a family heirloom - a compass that was given to the boy by his father - when the grandfather told a story about being lost in his plane during the war.  He told the boy about the conversation that occurred in the plane.  They each had a feeling that they should turn the plane in one direction, while the compass and other instruments indicated otherwise.

He said to the boy, "If we had listened to our emotions, we would have been lost, probably dead.  Following the compass, and not our emotions, is what brought us safely home."

Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.  - Proverbs 28:26
Husbands and wives should heed the words of that grandfather. 

But aren't husbands and wives supposed to love each other?  Isn't love the strongest emotion in all of creation?

Well, no.  No, it isn't.

I can't find a verse in the entire Bible that says love is an emotion or a feeling.  Love is an action word. Ephesians 5:25 says I should love my wife as Christ loved the church, but not in terms of emotions.  I am supposed to use action to show love by giving myself up for her.  I'm supposed to sacrifice my own life if necessary to show love to her.

My wife is supposed to submit to me as to the Lord.  Whatever she does for me is service to the Lord.  whatever she denies me she denies the Lord.

Powerful, yes?  Also frightening.

Should we feel emotion?  Absolutely.  Should we be ruled by it?  certainly not.

What I'm saying is that God's Word is our compass, and that regardless of our emotions, His commands and instructions are the final word on our behavior.  Satan can speak volumes to us through our emotions.  He helps us justify our behavior by using faulty reasoning, guilt, etc.

Do not be fooled.  God wants husbands and wives to behave differently.  We are to be faithful to the vows we made, not to the emotions we feel.

So, when my wife wants me to do something for her that I don't feel like doing, rather than follow my emotions (my feelings), I must follow the Word of god and sacrifice my own wants and desires to do what will make her happy.

Likewise, when there is something I need from my wife, rather than follow her emotions, she must follow the instructions given to her by God.  She must submit.

Remember, love is an action, not a feeling.
 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.                      - Ephesians 5:17

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Weekly Top Ten

Saturdays at The Genuine Husband I post a weekly "top ten" list of the best blog posts for husbands and wives. Some weeks my picks will be more husband-oriented and sometimes more for wives.


Sometimes it will cover topics many churches are afraid to talk about. 


Always it will be a collection of posts from solid, Bible-based marriage blogs covering topics that are important in God's holy covenant of marriage.


So, without further ado, here are this week's top ten (numbered only for convenience.  Happy reading!

1. The Forgiven Wife
A Soft Place To Land - Are you one?

2. Intentional Today
Your Spouse Might Not Be Wrong, Just Different - There is a difference, ya know.

3. The Romantic Vineyard
Are You A Weed Puller Or A Weed Ignorer? - Are weeds damaging your marriage?

4. Intentionally Yours
How To Turn Him On & Get Naked - Your husband wants to see you!

5. Uplifting Love
Lesson In Love - She served him till the end.

6. The Generous Wife
We Should vs. I Prefer - There is no right or wrong.

7. Journey To Surrender
What's Your Excuse? - Some eye opening statistics about who wants sex more.

8. Happy Wives Club
5 Relationship Tips To Get Your Marriage Out Of A Rut - Excellent tips whether you're in a rut or not!

9. Do Not Disturb
Sexual Motivations - 6 good ideas to get your groove on.

10. Rock His World
What Makes A Nice Night: It Might Surprise You - for the record, it didn't surprise me.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Weeds

Weeds.  Every garden has them.  Every gardener dislikes them.

We have a tiny property with a few large flower beds.  However, as pretty as these flower beds are, they take up an enormous amount of time.  The work it takes to maintain these garden spots seems like it isn't worth the effort if we never get to stop and enjoy the flowers.


What to do???

First we have to get rid of the weeds.  Yank them out.  Kill them  Poison them.  We must do whatever is necessary to rid the garden of weeds.

Then, we must prevent the growth of further weeds.  This means mulch.  Lots of it.

But weeds aren't the only thing that grows out of control, is it?  We have a glorious patch of echinacea flowers that have overtaken the garden, choking out some other lovely plants with their towering stalks and daisy-shaped purple flowers.

Echinacea is a good plant.  We use it in tea and in tinctures as powerful antibiotic.  It's pretty to look at and adds a great splash of color to the front yard.

However, too much of a good thing is detrimental to the garden as a whole.  Unfortunately, this beautiful purple plant has to be destroyed in order for the garden to flourish.  Other plants are suffering because we have done nothing to stop the growth of our echinacea.

That's the way marriage is, also.  To have a productive marriage - one that continues to improve and grow in intimacy and beauty - we have to decide what to keep and what to throw away.  We have to kill the weeds, no matter how difficult the task is.

We also have to examine many seemingly good things and determine if too much of a good thing is slowly killing our marriage, just as the echinacea is killing the garden.  Maybe it's too much of a particular TV show (or too much television, period), or perhaps it's too much time spent on housework, or too much time taking care of the children.

Whatever it is, if it is taking away from time that should be spent with your spouse, it's in the wrong place.  Dig it up and either relocate it or throw it away.  

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Weekly Top Ten

Saturdays at The Genuine Husband I post a weekly "top ten" list of the best blog posts for husbands and wives. Some weeks my picks will be more husband-oriented and sometimes more for wives.


Sometimes it will cover topics many churches are afraid to talk about. 


Always it will be a collection of posts from solid, Bible-based marriage blogs covering topics that are important in God's holy covenant of marriage.


So, without further ado, here are this week's top ten (numbered only for convenience.  Happy reading!

1. One Flesh Marriage
Lose Your But - How many times to you say "but?"

2. The Generous Husband
Acceptance and Belonging - Do you accept your wife for who she is?  Do you know who she is?

3. The Generous Wife
To The Edge and Back Again - It's all about sex and making it good.

4.The Forgiven Wife
Naked and Broken - Wives, have you been a sexual gatekeeper?  Do you know what it does to your husband?

5. Safe At Home
Why We All Need A Little Sabbath In Our Homes - Remembering the Sabbath is a commandment, NOT a suggestion.

6. Elevate Your Marriage
Wednesday Marriage Devotions: Compromising God in Marriage - What do you compromise to keep a happy home?

7. Passionate Christian Marriage
Weak, Selfish, Slightly Egotistical, And A Fibber - Believe in your husband anyway!

8. Pearl's Oysterbed
WEEK 27: I Give Myself Permission III - Sex is not dirty or immoral.  Give yourself permission to enjoy it.

9. True Agape
Sharing Passwords With Spouse - Does your spouse know your passwords?  Why or why not?

10. Young Wife's Guide
Keeping Your Marriage Pure - Purity isn't just for single people.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Weekly Top Ten

Saturdays at The Genuine Husband I post a weekly "top ten" list of the best blog posts for husbands and wives. Some weeks my picks will be more husband-oriented and sometimes more for wives.


Sometimes it will cover topics many churches are afraid to talk about. 


Always it will be a collection of posts from solid, Bible-based marriage blogs covering topics that are important in God's holy covenant of marriage.


So, without further ado, here are this week's top ten (numbered only for convenience.  Happy reading!

1. Sex Within Marriage
Sexual Bets to Drive Personal Development - An interesting way to improve your marriage!

2. Uplifting Love
The "Secret" Key To Happiness - It isn't what you think.

3. Laugh With Us Blog
Marriage and Bitterness - Don't let it fester or you'll BLOW!

4. Spouse Dates
Is Your Marriage Like A Car In The Barn? - A great reason to date your spouse!

5. Hot, Holy, and Humorous
Dependence or Independence in Marriage? -  Is there balance in your marriage?

6. Happy Wives Club
Top 20 Stay-At-Home Date Night Ideas - Good ideas, and easy too!

7. The Romantic Vineyard
Secret Word Game - a cute game to play with your sweetie!

8. Always Learning
Holding Onto Oneself - A common issue in marriages.

9. Respected Husband
I Am Going To Show Them - Control your impulsiveness!

10. The Forgiven Wife
More Important - Remind yourself of these things when you think of your spouse.

Monday, July 1, 2013

The Whole, Not Just "The Part"

The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.   (1 Corinthians 7:4) 

This is a familiar verse for husbands and wives alike.  It's part of the standard Bible repertoire for married couples.  One the surface we all know Paul is referring primarily to the sexual union between a husband and wife. 

While that is the primary subject of this verse, I believe there is much more to it.  I believe it addresses every aspect of the married individual and the selflessness commanded of a married person.
  
While the sexual union primarily involves the obvious parts of the body, the "body" includes much more that those private parts.  My hands, eyes, ears, feet, lips, tongue, hair, mind, and muscles all are parts of my body, which belongs to my wife.  Likewise, hers belong to me.

What does this mean to a husband like me?  

I should do everything with my wife's preferences in mind.  

My hands should touch her in ways that are pleasing to her.If I make a grab for her but she doesn't like that kind of touch, I must change the way I touch her so it gives her the pleasure she wants.

My eyes should look at things of which she would approve. I must not view things that will tear down our intimacy.  Visual temptation is everywhere and unavoidable.  However, if I allow my eyes to linger on tempting images, it is not beneficial to my wife and our oneness, so I must not allow my eyes to linger.

My mouth should kiss her in ways (and places) that bring her joy.  I must use my kisses to please her and must not stop short of the kinds of kisses she wants.

I should use my tongue to build her up.  I must always speak well of her.  The tongue can also be used for physical pleasure (pleasure the Lord declared good).  I must keep in mind that my Creator gave me this part of my body, then declared that it belongs to my wife and should be used for her pleasure.

It also means that I must defer to her preferences.  

I can't just do whatever I want with my hair.  It should be cut in a style she likes.  After all, it's her hair.  

My clothing should never make her cringe.  I should dress in a style she likes.  

I should keep my body physically strong so I can accomplish things she wants me to do (yes, I'm talking about the infamous "honey do" list). 
   
Does it make sense?  Our bodies is not ours.  Every square inch of our bodies should be used first to please God and then to please our spouses, physically, mentally, and sexually.  Likewise her body belongs to me and should be used to please me in the same way.

1 Corinthians 7:4 not only refers to one organ pleasing another, but two complete bodies giving themselves up to become one entity that uses every part to serve and give unashamed pleasure to every other part until the two become one flesh.


So, as I use my body I must keep in mind if what I'm doing is pleasing to my wife.  I'm not just talking about doing stuff that doesn't bother her. Rather, I'm talking about using every part of my body to bring pleasure to her, using my hands, feet, ears, lips, tongue to please her in ways that she longs to be pleased rather than stopping short because it's inconvenient, or because it removes me from my comfort zone.  

Much growing will have to take place for both husband and wife to truly become one flesh in this way.  I know I have a lot of work to do.  

What about you?