"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Weekly Top Ten

Saturdays at The Genuine Husband I post a weekly "top ten" list of the best blog posts for husbands and wives. Some weeks my picks will be more husband-oriented and sometimes more for wives.

Sometimes it will cover topics many churches are afraid to talk about.

Always it will be a collection of posts from solid, Bible-based marriage blogs covering topics that are important in God's holy covenant of marriage.

So, without further ado, here are this week's top ten (numbered only for convenience. Happy reading!

1. The Generous Wife
Sexual Permissions - Give yourself permission to grow. You might find that you enjoy things that used to bother you.

2. The Generous Husband
Problems That Cannot Be Solved - How do you work through an issue about which you and your spouse will never agree?

3. Elevate Your Marriage
Have You Laughed Lately? - 5 good ideas for keeping the joy alive in your marriage and family.

4. The Respected Husband
Being a Good Bad Guy - Sometimes it takes a bad guy to make a good decision.

5. Refine Us 
The Greatest Enemy to the Marriage You Desire - Stop fighting to be right.

6. The Forgiven Wife
The Hokey Pokey: Throwing Your Whole Self Out of Your Comfort Zone - Tips for getting out of your sexual comfort zone.

7. Intimacy In Marriage
The Sexual Sin No One Will Talk About (But Many Are Committing) - It isn't what you think.

8. A Grown Up Marriage
A Confession: What I Fear - What is holding you back from knowing and being know by your spouse?

9. Rock His World
Help Him Remain Faithful - What can you do to help your husband?

10. Do Not Disturb
Marriage Challenge: The Hidden Seam - Are there little things you do for your spouse without him/her ever knowing?

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Weekly Top Ten

Saturdays at The Genuine Husband I post a weekly "top ten" list of the best blog posts for husbands and wives. Some weeks my picks will be more husband-oriented and sometimes more for wives.

Sometimes it will cover topics many churches are afraid to talk about.

Always it will be a collection of posts from solid, Bible-based marriage blogs covering topics that are important in God's holy covenant of marriage.

So, without further ado, here are this week's top ten (numbered only for convenience. Happy reading!

1. The Generous Wife
Patience - Some days it's difficult to have patience.

2. Do Not Disturb
Five Hinderances of Sexual Freedom: #1 - Ego - What's holding you back from being free in your bedroom?

3. Pearl's OysterBed
The Coconut Cake of Marriage and Sexual Intimacy - An interesting analogy.

4. Pearl's OysterBed (Yes, twice this week - keep the good info coming!)
Week 32: Praise Her - What a difference a little praise makes!

5. Rock His World
Biblical Submission: There is More than You Think! - A lot to think about here.

6. The Generous Husband
Was the Proverbs 31 Woman Disobedient? - An indepth look at this controversial chapter and the strong woman described in its verses.

7. Hot, Holy, and Humorous
Teach Your Kids the Correct Words for Body Parts - It's a penis and there isn't anything wrong with calling it that.

8. Encourage Your Spouse
An Outward Sign You Are Married - Would people be able to tell you are married if your spouse wasn't with you?

9. Project Happily Ever After
What Lasagna Taught Me About Marriage - It's about being grateful ... and holding your tongue.

10. The Forgiven Wife 
The Comfort Zone - Is your sexual comfort zone hindering your marriage?

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

"Mr. Steady" vs. the Doormat

I'm a peacemaker. At least I try to be. I'm not a wave maker. I'm a "don't rock the boat" kind of guy.  I like a steady ride. I don't like conflict, never did.  I don't like to go into a situation where I know there will be a debate for which I will have to produce an argument.  I'm unable to think that fast, and most times I walk away undignified and damaged.


I don't think I'm a-typical in my behavior. I defer to my bride's preferences in load of things, even when I would prefer something else. It's why we have a flower garden.  It's also why we have a yellow kitchen.  It's part of my job as her husband.  I deny myself for her.

Like many husbands, I do my best to avoid conflict in my house and my marriage. I don't argue very much.  I'm what Debi Pearl would call "Mr. Steady."  The guy who goes with the flow.

But what does being "Mr. Steady" really do for our marriage?   What happens when a husband always goes with what his wife wants without ever asserting his own preferences into the relationship?  I struggle with this question because I have been a go-with-the-flow kind of person for most of my 48 years.  I haven't expressed opinions that needed expressing because (a) I wish to avoid conflict and (b) I don't have facts to back up my opinion.

So, here's the dilemma:

Can I be "Mr. Steady" without becoming "Mr. Doormat?"

Here's what I know ...

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife[a] is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Cor 11:3)

I am the head of my wife.  Some husbands would interpret this verse to mean that husbands should get whatever they want.  What I say goes.  She has to do what I say because I'm the husband.

Well, yes.  BUT ...  That doesn't mean that I can steamroll over my wife and make her do whatever I want.  The point of this verse is to give a hierarchy in the family.  Jesus --> husband --> wife.  I am not really the head, but rather the middle man.  Christ gives me guidance and I guide my wife, not to do everything I want, but to do what is best for our marriage.

Will she always be agreeable to this?   No, she won't.  She might rebel.  She might throw a tantrum and argue and yell.  She might give you the silent treatment for days and days and days.  Yep.  She might.

On the other hand, she might understand your authority and comply, trusting that your decisions are made with the best interest of both of you in mind.

Many husbands will not ask for things they desire or make a decision in areas that would bring dramatic growth and improve to the marriage because they have tried it and been refused so many times they've given up.  I admit there are topics that I will not bring up again because they have not been received well.  I don't believe I'm unique in this as a husband. 

Are they important things?  Yes, some of them are very important, however the Bible says ...


Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
(1 Peter 3:7)


I must live with her in an understanding way.  I must take her feelings into consideration above my own.  Does this mean God's plan for my marriage will never come to fruition?  Perhaps.  Bottom line is that no husband can for his wife to submit, no matter who is guiding him .  I can only lead.  She must decide to follow.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, (Ephesians 5:25)

I'm supposed to give myself up, putting off my desires for her ... for her what?  For her whims?  for her temper tantrums?  For her desires?

Or for her good and the good of our marriage?  I think this is the intention of the verse, and the role of a husband.   The decisions I make as a husband are supposed to be for the good of my bride.  She might not always like it.  She might not always submit.

Likewise, I might not always submit.  I might clearly understand the instructions of God, and dismiss them because I do not wish to have conflict in my marriage relationship, whether it's for our good or not.

Does that make me a doormat?  Or "Mr. Steady?"

Is there a difference?

I think maybe I have some work to do.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Weekly Top Ten

Saturdays at The Genuine Husband I post a weekly "top ten" list of the best blog posts for husbands and wives. Some weeks my picks will be more husband-oriented and sometimes more for wives.

Sometimes it will cover topics many churches are afraid to talk about.

Always it will be a collection of posts from solid, Bible-based marriage blogs covering topics that are important in God's holy covenant of marriage.

So, without further ado, here are this week's top ten (numbered only for convenience. Happy reading!

1. Flourish
From A Man's Heart: Why Your Husband Needs Your Prayers - We need prayer just like everyone else!

2. Rock His World
Other Ways To Show Love - It isn't always about sex.

3. The Generous Husband
Helping Her Grow Up - We can't change our wives, but we can help them grow and mature.

4. Journey to Surrender
Don't Get Stuck In Disappointment - Trust is important, but it often leads to disappointment.  How do you handle disappointment in your marriage?

5. Pearl's OysterBed
Week 31: Transform False Belief - Marriage and sexuality are a gift from God.  Don't reject that gift!

6. The Forgiven Wife
How Many Shoes Are In Your Closet? - Variety make all the difference!

7. Always Learning
Making Your Home A Haven - This is SO important!

8. Unveiled Wife
The Importance Of Support In Marriage - a post by Jolene Engle describing what it's like for a husband to lead a family.  Very interesting perspective.

9. One Flesh Marriage
Curly or Straight - Wives, do you know what your husband likes?

10. The Generous Wife
Movie Night Dare - a great game to play at home with your spouse!

Saturday, August 3, 2013

I'll Be Back!

There won't be a top ten list today.  I'm taking the week off from blogging so I can take care of some important family matters.  My top ten picks will return next week, when things around here become somewhat normal again.