"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

A Short Rant and Rebuttal

The blogosphere is a world filled with opinions.  Bloggers offer bits and pieces of their knowledge and emotions to be read by anyone who happens to catch it, and readers are generally welcome to add their two cents on the subject. Additionally there are those who like to stir up controversy, taking issue with the bloggers' opinions and rantings.  Whatever way you look at it, blogging is a great tool for public discussion and debate.

I don't normally blog about comments.  I much prefer to let them stand on their own, with the occasional reply to acknowledge or clarify something, and to let people know that I do actually read their comments.

Today I received a comment that I could not publish, not because I wanted to censor the reader's opinion, but because it was a personal attack against me by someone who formed a narrow opinion about me based on a limited number of posts, specifically the "Why Men Leave" series (you can start with part 1 of the series here).

Let me start by saying that the series was written in response to a conversation I had with a pastor who presented me with a list of reasons husbands leave their marriages.  He had many years of experience counseling men and found common threads in their reasons for taking a pass on "happily ever after."  The opinions in the blogs were not necessarily my own, nor do I support men who blame their wives for every marital issue.  Quite the contrary.

 I happen to believe that husbands are responsible for the happiness and well being of their wives and marriages, and I believe it comes at the high price of self-sacrifice.  I believe husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25).  I believe we should live with our wives in an understanding way (1 Peter 3:7).

This reader, who posted anonymously, obviously is someone who knows me personally.  The fact that he/she used my full name and alluded to things which I have never divulged here on the blog was reason enough to refrain from publishing the comment.  It simply goes against proper blogging etiquette.

However, because I feel the charges were serious enough to address, I will do so by way of this post.

This is some of what the reader had to say:

"Every time I read one of your blogs I am amazed how it seems to say that if there is trouble in a marriage it is the woman's fault. I particularly took issue when you made a comment in one blog that 'women are to submit to their husband in all things'"

Firs let me say that you probably didn't read very many of my posts to form such an opinion.  as far as your issue with my comment about submission, let me point to Ephesians 5:24 which states, Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.   It is the Word of God.  I am not in a position to argue with Him.

"Based on your many comments, it would appear that you believe that the women are to blame for their abuse too."
I did a full search of my blog, and the only mention of that topic was in this post in which I stated "Feeling insignificant is not an excuse for bad behavior such as abuse or infidelity."

"I think you are a man who really doesn't like women very much because in your little world they are to blame for every mans unhappiness."
Wow.  This reader might think he/she knows me, but this little blurb represents the epitome of  misinformation. Talk about a personal attack. Sheesh!

"How about addressing the part about Men loving their wives as Christ loves the Church and gave himself up for her. Trust me when I tell you that if men did what they were supposed to do, which by the way is the first part of the scripture then women wouldn't be the issue."
Have you read this post?  What about this one?  Or this one?  How about this one, this one, this one, or any of these ...

Are You the Wrong Person?

Is She Better Off With You or Without You?

Mailbag Monday: Romancing the Wife

Love Is ... A Clean Garage

Am I That Man?

Struggling To Be A Better Husband

The Measure of a Husband

Intimacy ... and Fear

When I began this blog I made it clear that I would state the points of view of both men and women.  I also made it clear that many posts would deal with my daily internal struggles with headship and leadership, and that some posts would be controversial and would not always represent my own opinions.

Clearly, I love my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I strive each day to love my wife as Christ loved the church.  I have written quite a bit on the topic and will continue to do so. So for you to say that I am inadequate in covering the topic of husbands loving their wives, is an uninformed opinion.

"It's easy to sit here and repeatedly go on and on about how the women are failing their men but in fact the greater command is to the men and frankly 95% of you stink at being that man. Own it and do something about it. " 

 I agree the greater command is to the men.  That is why I try to improve in this area each day.

BTW - Nice attitude.  Struck a nerve, did I?

End of rant.


  1. KUDOS to you brother!! When you stir up the haters - it's a good thing: "Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things." -Winston Churchill

    And I think it's pretty clear that with 80% of women initiating divorces coupled along with the fact of scripture that says: the power to build or destroy a home is found within the woman's hands. We can clearly see that it's going to call attention to things.

    There will always be the 'haters.' Indeedy, you probably did strike a nerve. With my emails (that don't get published) it is the most volatile ones that have the deepest conviction within their own souls.

    Nice rant BTW!

  2. Thank you for the encouragement. You're right. The most fierce objections most likely come from those who feel convicted by the message. :)

  3. I am constantly amazed at how some people (maybe all people) read or hear something and get something that is almost totally different than what most others get. I have seen it on the news when commentators talk about a speech that we both watched and they say things that make me thing, how hard did you have to work to get that point of view.

    I think the biggest problem is that people often have a preconceived idea and they ignore anything that does not agree with their point of view. It sounds like the person criticizing you falls into that camp. He or she has made up his or her mind about you and quite possibly will is making assumptions about you, not based on anything you have said, but based on what he or she assumes you are saying.

    I see the same thing happen to Promise Keepers - I hear all sorts of people telling me how wrong PK is and how they seek to dominate women. Only problem, in my 6 - 7 PK events I have attended, I have never heard anything that sounds remotely like what the critics say.

    Keep doing what you are doing. Many of us appreciate it and grow because of it!!

    1. I think you're right. There was a pre-determined bias in her comment. Thank you for the encouraging words. I'm just trying to be obedient to God and write whatever He places on my heart.