"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Monday, September 16, 2013

An Intimate Look At Psalm 139

Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
On Sunday our pastor's message was in part an analysis of this Psalm, but more importantly it was an application for our lives.  The fact that God is watching us all the time is a frightening idea for me.  Indeed, He knows my thoughts and deeds. He knows what I struggle with and what I enjoy.  He knows how I like my morning coffee (cream and 2 sugars, please) and why I leave my spoon in the cup.

He knows you, too.  He knows everything.  You can't hide your feelings or your actions from His eyes.  The best part is that He wants you to know Him, too.  He desperately wants an intimate relationship with all of us.  Too bad we won't let Him in on our secret little lives.  Too bad we don't bother to find out what He wants from us, how He wants us to live, where He wants us to go.

That's a very good point, but what does this have to do with being a husband?

God designed marriage as a reflection of His relationship with the church. He wants married couples to know each other the same way He knows us.  Just as Christ understands everything about you and wants you to grow closer to Him, understand more about Him, and accept Him, likewise He wants us to grow closer to our spouses, understand them, and accept them.

How closely do you pay attention to the details of your husband/wife?  Do you study him/her?  Do you understand why he/she does the things they do or want the things they want?  Many of us give our spouses only what we want them to have rather than glorifying God by giving them exactly what they want/need.   

For example:

  • Wife wants a puppy because she always grew up with a dog and life without one would be somehow wrong, but because her husband doesn't understand her (read know her) they don't adopt a dog.
  • Husband wants a particular intimate act that he feels will bring them closer together. His wife will only do what they've always done. 
  • Wife fixes her husbands coffee using one (1) teaspoon of sugar even though he likes it much sweeter (he uses 4 spoonfuls) because she thinks that's the way he should like it.
  • Husband likes mushrooms but his wife doesn't share his enthusiasm.  When he makes dinner he adds an abundance of mushroom regardless of how she feels. She can leave out the mushrooms when she cooks.
 I believe these examples are fairly typical of married couples.  They don't study each other to find out what makes them tick.  They aren't interested in getting to know each other past a certain point. This far and no farther.   In each case one spouse has reached out to make known to the other a preference, need, or desire only to have the other person disregard the information. 

Doing this to your spouse is like saying "I don't want to know you" just the same as telling God "I don't want to know You" when we disregard what He wants.

So we need to get busy and get to know our spouses.  Ask about specifics, then act on them.  Try your hardest to give them exactly what they desire.  If they like it, do it again!  Don't make it a one-time deal.  Yes, it may be uncomfortable at first (anything new has a built-in learning curve).  If you need help with something, ask someone or Google it. 

For Heaven's sake this is your marriage - your one-flesh relationship in which you are supposed to know each other so well that you are one.

How many sugars does your spouse like in his/her coffee?

Psalm 139

 1You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain. 
Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you. 
13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you. 
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.


  1. I like to think I know my husband pretty well but from time to time, i cook something because i think he should like it! Aside from that, this is a great reminder to pay attention, to know our partner better than any other, just like God knows us. Thanks. Stopped by from Wedded Wednesdays and am looking forward to reading more for your insights.

    1. Thank you for your kind words. You're right, if we all pay attention and really know our spouses we might have a small taste of the intimacy He designed for marriage.

  2. This is one of my favorite chapters in Psalms, Thomas. I like how you've reminded us to get to know about our spouses like our Father has gotten to know us. I know there are times when I try to force my preferences on my husband in an attempt to try to get him to change! I'm sure I'm sending him the message that he doesn't measure up and needs to improve when it's simply a different preference. Thanks so much for this challenge. It truly is our "one-flesh" relationship so why aren't we doing more of this? I hear ya and I'm going to adjust accordingly today! Great thoughts!

    1. Reading the chapter in this way challenged me as well. I believe many of us have work to do, myself included!

  3. I love this chapter in Psalms. It is scary to think that God knows my every thought, feeling, and action, but it is also convicting. I don't always do the right thing when it comes to loving my husband in the way he needs to be loved, and this is a conscience pinprick. I love how you wrote God wants "married couples to know each other the same way He knows us." I can spend a whole lifetime trying to get to know God and still never truly know everything about him, and same with my spouse. But does this mean I don't try? Absolutely not. Thanks for the reminder.