"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Thursday, October 24, 2013

I'm A Failure.

By today's worldly standards I am a failure as a man.  According to current societal norms a man must:

1. know how to use tools and be good at fixing things,
2. take pride in a perfectly manicured lawn and garden,
3. own a large home with at least an acre of land, preferably more,
4. drive a large truck,
5. hunt and fish, and
6. be well versed in all sports.
Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

There are other requirements, but I think you get the picture.  There seems to be an idea in today's culture that a "real" man does all of the above, and if he falls short in any of these areas he is deemed "less than" by many whose opinions shouldn't count but do.Thou shalt be good with tools.

Being a husband does not automatically make you a whiz at fixing stuff.  Many, many times even with complete instructions we can make a mess of the simplest project if we don't have a natural "fix-it" gene.
Things we are capable of doing might not meet the high standards of others.  (ie. I can build a table, but it won't be considered fine furniture.)

Likewise, there is no biblical requirement that I can find which defines the size and type of house and property a husband is required to own.  In my experience, owning a larger property would require more maintenance thereby decreasing the amount of time and resources available for more important things like, say, God, my marriage and my family.

That is why I reject this worldly view of manliness.  I wasn't blessed with athletic ability; instead I was blessed with arthritis that flares up at the wrong times.  I don't do well in humid temperatures or in cold seasons.  I am a cook and a bargain shopper.  I fix what I can and I use my contact list to find qualified people to do the rest.  I do what I can with the resources God provides, and the other things are placed on a waiting list.

What I do will not always meet or exceed high standards according to the world, but when I do it out of love for my wife and family and to the glory of God, I am being the man God intends for me to be.Can I let laziness get the better of me?  Of course.  There are jobs that I put off because of the energy it takes to complete them, or because I selfishly don't feel like doing them.  And let's not forget the "ewww" factor.

I'm making these points not to justify my behavior or lifestyle, but to make it clear that the world view that has been instilled in so many people is misguided.  I want to assure husbands of all kinds that they are leading well as long as they themselves are led by God through the Holy Spirit.

So, if you are a husband who, like me, isn't part of the mainstream tough guy, testosterone overdose, beer-guzzling, 4X4, football playing (I'd need crutches for sure), wood cutting, gator hunting "manhood club," there is good news.

The Bible is God's perfect Word for our lives.  In it He gives us our marching orders and nowhere within it did He say that husbands must be cast from a certain mold to lead their families.  The Bible is filled with all kinds of husband.  Some are strong, some quiet, some artistic.  Some tend sheep, and some don't.  Some build great cities, and some live in very humble conditions.  Some lead great nations, and some lead their families, often in directions they don't wish to go.

All in all, I'd have to say the worldly view is wrong.  All that matters is that you first and foremost follow the Lord's leading.  Submit to Him and lead your wife accordingly.  Do your best and leave the rest to Him.



  1. Replies
    1. Thank you for confirming my suspicion. I knew I wasn't alone!

  2. I would add, physical shape (weight, handsomeness and penis size) are also not tools God uses to measure manliness. No matter how much we hear and read that these are ridiculous ways of giving ourselves value, the world's measuring rod seems to be heavier.

  3. I think I would agree with you on this :-) There is no way people should generalize men and how they should be. It doesn't matter what others think about you but what God thinks about you. For as long as you are walking in a path that pleases God, that's all that matters!