"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Monday, February 27, 2012

Marriage Blog Monday - February 27, 2012

Here they are - the best marriage blog posts of the past week, with a few other little tidbits added in for good measure. Many bloggers seem to be jumping on the "headship / submission" bandwagon this week.

One Flesh Marriage
Submission ... Seriously?

The Generous Husband
 How We Do Headship and Submission  This is the final post in a series.  Read the rest of the series!
Headship and Submission - Oh My!
Headship? Me? Maybe not ...
Submit To Each Other?
Submit! But Only If You Want To?
Who Submits To Whom, and Why?
Being the Head
Sexual Submission

The Generous Wife
Toothbrush Play

Journey To Surrender
The "S" Word and the "F" Word
A Picture of Submission

Intimacy In Marriage
3 Reasons To Let Your Husband Undress You

To Love, Honor, and Vacuum
Experiencing Spiritual Intimacy While You Make Love  This is the latest in a series of 29 Days to Great Sex.

Grantley Morris
Understanding Your Wife's View of Sex: Serious Help for Christian Men - an article for husbands.
How Holy Wives Express Love  - an article for wives.

Happy reading1

... Later!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Am I That Man?

I was reading a blog today (shocking, I know).  It isn't the usual christian blog, nor does it contain the sort of stuff about which I would normally comment, but it is intelligently written and great fun to read, so I meander over there every few days for some thought-provoking entertainment.

Anyway, this guy more often than not uses his blog to describe in a humorous way the frustrations of being a husband and father.  Each time I read his work I find myself chuckling as he captures every husband and father in his words.

Today was different.  Today he recorded a word-for-word argument between himself and his wife.  Whether or not the argument was based in fact, I do not know.

But I remember the part that struck me silent.  In the heat of the battle, he asked his wife this question:
"Would you want your sons to bring home a woman like you?"

The question hit me right between the eyes.  I had to think long and hard.  What if I were asked that question?

Would I want my daughters to bring home a man like me?

Holy Cow!!

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

Let's analyze me for a moment, shall we?

  • Does my life point to Jesus?
  • Do I love my wife as Christ loved the church?  
  • Am I willing to lay my life down for her?
  • Do I lead my wife and children spiritually, helping them to grow in their walk with the Lord?
  • Do I spend enough time praying for (and with) my family?
  • How much of my energy is focused on growing closer to my wife?  Am I developing intimacy in our marriage or am I creating distance?  Do I give her what she needs and desires?  Do I express my desires to her?  Do I bare my soul to her?
These are the qualities I want my children to see when they look at me.  This is the kind of husband I want to be.  It's the kind of man I want my sons to be.  It's the kind of man I want my daughters to bring home.

Am I that man?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

Husbands everywhere should ask themselves this question.  Would your daughters be happy with a husband who does what you do (or doesn't do what you don't do)?  Would they be satisfied with someone who behaves they way you do? 

Wives - Would your sons be happy with a wife who does what you do (or doesn't do what you don't do)?  Would they be satisfied with someone who behaves they way you do?

I don't know about you, but I have to do a TON of thinking and praying ... and changing.


Monday, February 20, 2012

Marriage Blog Monday - February 20, 2012

Here are the best of the marriage blog post this week.  I won't post any of the Valentine's Day stuff, because, well, it's too late now, isn't it?  I may have posted some of these on Facebook this week.  If so, just skip over it and read the next one.  Enjoy!

One Flesh Marriage

Forward Momentum Now that the 10-Day Challenge is over, how do you keep that momentum going to continue to build intimacy in your marriage?

The Generous Husband

Find Good Buttons To Push We all know how to push each other's buttons.  Let's find the buttons that make our wives feel good.
Headship and Submission - Oh My! Paul has begun a series of posts on headship in marriage.  It's sort of a response to his wife's messages at The Generous Wife.

The Generous Wife

Some Hard Questions (Part 2)
Lori is doing a series on submission in marriage.  It's a controversial topic that she is tackling with intelligence and biblical research.  While you're at it, read the rest of the series.

The S Word (and I'm Not Talking Sex)
The Choice Is Yours
Brain Check
But What If ....? (Part 1)
But What If ....? (Part 2)
But What if ....? (Part 3)
Some Hard Questions (Part 1)

Journey to Surrender
Commitment is Not Enough Take some bold steps of faith and change anything the Lord leads you to change.

Husband: A User's Guide

Why Men Stray 48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.

Stupendous Marriage
Adding Fruit to Your Sex Life  Fruit of the Spirit, that is!
Rackin' Up the Bucks The "Love Buck Experiment"

Hot, Holy, & Humorous
How Important Is Technique? This is a follow-up to last week's controversial post Oral Sex: How To.  In this week's post she shows us some of her readers' thoughts on the subject.

Do Not Disturb
Sex Is ... Not a Dirty Word God invented sex for married couples.  He talks about it and encourages it.

To Love, Honor, and Vacuum
29 Days to Great Sex - Day 20: Deciding Your Boundaries
We should respect our spouses boundaries, but we should also work to break down our own boundaries that are detrimental to intimacy.  Sheila has been posting an article every day in February to help couples improve their sex lives.  Read all of them.  It's definitely worth it!

Simple Marriage
Oral Sex: By Him for Her
This is the first chapter of a new book by Corey.  Don't worry.  Chapter 1 is not graphic in any way.

Marriage Gems
Which Kind of Commitment Do You Have in Your Marriage? Married couples tend to be much happier when spouses serve and sacrifice for each other.

Happy reading!!

... Later!

Saturday, February 18, 2012


To know and be known, completely.  To lay open, naked and unashamed before another.  That's is intimacy.  It is a gift from our heavenly Father to all married people.  It makes me tick.  It's my heart's desire (one of them, anyway).  

Intimacy = “Into-Me-See”

Since Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and realized they were naked,people have found ways to hide their true selves from each other and from God.Yet before sin entered the world, Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. Huh???  Yes, they were totally free with one another.  No secrets, nothing hidden,nothing too embarrassing to say or do. There was no sin in being unclothed with each other, physically and otherwise.  They were fully themselves with each other and with God, and they were surrounded by the safety of knowing that they were accepted and welcomed (even desired) as-is, from top to bottom. 
Today’s society is amazed that two people like Adam and Eve could be so completely comfortable with each other, to lay open to one another, not only sexually, but entirely, body and soul.

That’s because human beings have become very good at hiding.  In his book, "Abba's Child,"Brennan Manning refers to this as the "imposter self."  The imposter is responsible for holding back our true feelings, thoughts, and desires from other people.  It keeps us from being vulnerable and open to another person, and they to us, so that we never really know each other.  The imposter prevents us from experiencing true “one-ness” in our marriages.

The problem is that most of us do not feel safe to express ourselves in away that cultivates intimacy.  We use the imposter to hide our feelings instead of expressing what is truly on our hearts.  Joe Beam says, “… most of us don’t have a person, much less a group of people, with whom we can be so open.We learned early in life that people tend to accept us when we meet their criteria for acceptance, and we learned to paint pictures of how they want us to be rather than showing who we really are.” In general, we spend our lives pacifying the people in our lives.  In other words, we don’t want to “rock the boat,” so we become agreeable on the outside, which results in frustration on the inside.

Because God created us in His image, we can experience intimacy in our relationship with Him and with others. This means that we can be naked and unashamed with our bodies, our minds, our wills, and our emotions. Sadly many married couples do not work toward developing real intimacy and they grow apart.  They are willing to settle for a “good enough” marriage.  How sad.

How, then, is intimacy cultivated? 

1.     Pray – Prayer is the most important thing a couple can do.  Pray individually to increase intimacy with God, and pray as a couple for God’s guidance and leading.  He wants us to enjoy all that married life has to offer.  We need to be open to His plan for intimacy. We must ask Him to break down the walls that prevent us from developing the kind of intimacy He wants us to have.
2.     Communicate – When we talk to each other about our hopes and dreams, our needs and wants, our victories and disappointments, AND when we listen – really listen  to one another, we will lay the foundation of trust that is needed to feel safe in an intimate relationship.  People will not share feelings when they do not feel safe. Listening without criticism or attack will make certain a safe place for sharing deeper and deeper aspects of our true selves. 

3.     Study – Reading and studying are imperative to the learning process.  If we need help breaking down walls and barriers, we need to use all the resources available to that end.  First and foremost we have to go to God’s word for guidance.  He provided us the perfect resource for everything in the Bible.  He also provided many resources in the form of online sources and books on every subject, including intimacy. It would be a shame to ignore these resources.  Also, we must study our spouses to know what makes them“tick.”  When we begin to know the true person of our spouse and reveal ourselves to them as well, then we can start building intimacy by nurturing one another and providing that safe place.

4.     Practice – All the knowledge in the world is worth nothing ifit isn’t put into practice.  When we know what the our spouse’s hopes and dreams, we then must make it a priority to make sure those things are met by us as much as possible.  We must not only learn about their needs and desires, but we must be the primary source for those desires to be met, at least here on earth.  If we truly long for the kind of intimacy God intends for His children, then we must learn and do what is necessary to foster intimacy in our relationships.

For Further Reading:

The Joy of True Intimacy

Into Me See

Cultivating Intimacy in Marriage

Developing Emotional Intimacy

Cultivating Real Intimacy Between a Man and a Woman

... Later!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The Desires of My Heart

 “So will your delight be in the Lord, and he will give you yourheart's desires.” Psalm  37:4 (BBE)

In his Life Principle Notes, Charles Stanley wrote, “If God said, ’You can ask Me for one desire,and I will give it to you,’ for what would you ask?” 

That is a difficult question for many people to answer.  It’s difficult for me as well.  Difficult in that I have a great deal oftrouble discerning whether my desires are worthy of His consideration. 

What do I want? I mean really, really want?  What are my heart’s desires?­
Are my motives pure? I think so.
Are my desires godly? I can honestly say they are.

So … why doesn’t He grant me my desires?

Think … think … think …

I believe that God wants us to have desires.  The trick is in turning our hearts towardHim so that our desires are in accord with His plan so that we desire good things. However, He will only give us our desires when our hearts are turned toward Him and we are seeking His friendship.  

Perhaps this is where I have gone wrong.

Have I sought Him in every aspect of my life? 
Have I tried to build a closer friendship and fellowship with my Lord, Jesus?
Am I sensitive to His voice? 
Do I delight myself in Him? 
Do I long to please Him or please myself? 

Lord, please help me stop worrying. I know you want me to have my desires in Your time, not mine … if You choose to give them tome at all.   Please help me let go of the things that are preventing me from experiencing Your full blessings in my life. Help me let go of selfish motives so that the desires of my heart are in tune with Your will.  

Monday, February 13, 2012

Marriage Blog Monday - February 13, 2012

This week's marriage blogs carry with them a warning.  Some of these posts contain slang terms that could be offensive to some readers.  However, I'm posting them because of the clear, concise information they contain.  These bloggers are otherwise not prone to use this terminology, except to clearly explain something that is important to marital intimacy. 

One Flesh Marriage
Day 8 - Start Setting the Mood  Today marks the 9th day of the 10-Day Challenge for married couples. 

The Generous Husband
Do Men Really Want More Sex ThankWomen? You may be surprised by the answer.  Or maybe not.

The Generous Wife
Quick!  Romance Your Sweetie! Husbands like a little romance, too.
The S Word (and I'm Not Talking Sex) Submission is a hot topic these days.

Intimacy In Marriage
Sexual Intimacy Variety?  Want Some?  What does maple bacon cappuccino have to do with intimacy?  

Hot, Holy, and Humorous
Oral Sex: How To WARNING:  This is a very simple, well-done explanation of how to perform oral sex on your husband.  If you are not married, or do not wish to know about this topic, please skip this post.  That said, there is some common slang terminology used to describe this technique.  The author uses the language in a clear, professional, explanatory way.  There is also a piece of chocolate cake for those who finish reading. :)

**Here is an article that explains why oral sex is important to so many men (No, it's NOT because it feels good).  Again, there is some slang terminology, but the manner in which the author handles the topic outweighs any slang terms.

Awesome Husbands
A.P.T.A.T. (Admit - Pray - Trust - Act - Thanks) Excellent post for men who are looking for direction as the head of the household.

Happily Married After
The Only Marital Counseling Advice You'll Need Just ask yourself this question.

Romantic Act of the Day
Honey-Do How do you handle that long list - the "honey-do" list?

Happy Wives Club
The Happiest Wives in America Who are the happiest wives in America??

Happy reading!!

... Later.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Marriage Blog Monday, February 6, 2011

Here are the best of the marriage posts this week (in my ever so humble opinion) ...

One Flesh Marriage
 On Your Mark ...
Yesterday was the kick-off for the 10-Day Challenge for married couples.  There will be a new tip posted on OFM each day until the end of the challenge (Valentine's Day).

The Generous Wife
 World Nutella Day 
This post is more about knowing your husband than about the delicious spread.

Journey To Surrender

Time to Get Naked!
"Naked" as in unashamed, having nothing to hide, etc.

Husband: A User's Guide

What I Wish My Wife Knew
10 characteristics that are shared by most men.

To Love, Honor, and Vacuum
29 Days to Great Sex Day 1: The Act of Marriage
Sheila is posting a new article each day during the month of February to help married couples improve their sex lives.  Check out her blog every day this month!

Marriage Works
To Make You Feel My Love
Discover your spouse's love language.

Happily Married After
The Price of Trust Assaulted Relationships
Every marriage has an area or two in which you don't fully trust each other.

Romantic Act of the Day
I Can't Believe I Said That
Ever say something and immediately wish you hadn't?

Encourage Your Spouse
Building Strength - Know Your "Why"
Do you and your spouse have a shared "why?"

Happy reading!!!

... Later.