"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
Eph 5:25

Saturday, June 16, 2012

What Do You Want For Fathers' Day?

What does Dad want for Fathers' Day?

That is a question that most children look to their mothers to answer.  The sad news is that, in the same way many men flounder for an appropriate Mothers' Day gift, wives are largely in the same sinking boat. Fathers' Day gifts are difficult, because men have generally gotten used to relying on themselves for so many things that when gift-giving time comes around, they don't need anything. 

So, who's to say you have to get him something he needs?  Why not give him something he wants instead?

That said, being a man myself, I think I'm qualified to say what men want.  Here are a few ideas especially for wives who want to give their husbands a great gift this Fathers' Day.
  • A real day off with no responsibilities.  I know what you're saying.  "Why should he get a day off when I never get a day off?"  Granted, wives work very hard and they hardly ever get a break.  But I would be willing to bet that on special days like Mothers' Day or birthdays, your husband does his very best to make sure that you are treated like a queen.  He may not ever get it right.  I know I sure failed this year (read about it  here).  The point is, husbands, buffoons that they are, try very hard to make their wives feel special.  My guess is that even though you may try to give him a real "day off," he will end up contributing to the work of the day anyway, just like you do on your special day.  So, why not give him the day?

  • A meal out.  For me, that means a big, juicy steak with all the extras.  Yeeeaaaah, Baby!  One great way to tell a man he's special is by giving him his favorite meal.  If you don't know what his favorite meal is, you definitely have problems.  do everyone a favor and make reservations.  Don't try to cook it at home, as it will only add to the hassle of the day, when the whole point is to make it a peaceful, relaxing day for everyone.  After all, that's what Dad wants, right?

  • A night out with his friends.  Okay, so this might not be feasible on actual Fathers' Day itself, but it would be great if he could spend time with just his friends some day soon.  After all, how many times has he complained when you spent time with your lady friends (did you stay longer than expected?  Did he holler at you?  I'll bet he did not).  So let him go shoot paintballs, or go fishing, or go to a ballgame, or just eat pizza with the guys.

  • Fulfilling sex.  I'm going to elaborate on this.  Most people have a profound misunderstanding  in this area.  Let be clear things up by saying that having a lot of sex is not the same as being sexually fulfilled.  Many wives think as long as they are giving their husbands sex a few times a week, they're really doing well, but if they actually got into the deep-down hearts of their husbands they would see much, much more than the usual.  They would see men who face a daily bombardment of viable, easy-to-get-away-with temptations, and they would understand the importance of making sure they fulfill their husbands sexually, not just "give them sex."    
In general, husbands ask very little of their wives and children.  In return, we just want someone who finally "gets us."   If a husband/father finally gets that, every day will feel like Fathers' Day.

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3) 

From the inside out,


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Friday, June 15, 2012

"Good Eye"

One of the great joys of my life is watching my kid play little league baseball.  When our oldest boy is on the plate with his bat poised just above his shoulder, his eye on the ball, his feet spread apart, legs bent slightly at the knees, it brings a smile to my face.  When the pitch comes across the plate and straight into the catcher's mitt, and my son can see that the pitch is too high to hit, the coach utters the same words most coaches yell in such a moment:

"Good eye!!" 

I was thinking about this and how it relates to marriage, and in particular, my role as a husband.

Do I have a good eye?  Am I able to see the ball as it's being pitched to my marriage and determine whether we should swing or wait?  What if the pitch is good and we don't swing?  Maybe we should just bunt at a few ... that way we can take on the pitch more gently, in a noncommittal way.

It's a lot to think about.

Can I see trouble on the horizon?  When something is coming toward my family, am I able to discern whether it's a good thing or a bad thing?  Am I able to swing at the good pitches and stand still against the bad ones? 

It seems to me that a good leader (and that IS what a husband should be) must  be able to see trouble coming and avoid it.  Likewise, a good leader should dive into good opportunities for his marriage.  He should steer his marriage in the direction God wants it to go. 


Examine yourself.  Study your bride.  Learn about your weaknesses and strengths as individuals and as a couple.  Are there temptations that either or both of you can't resist?  Are there things that would keep you away from those temptations?  Is there something you have to do or learn in order to avoid (or help your wife avoid) that temptation?  Are there skills that need sharpening for the good of your marriage? 

Then don't put it off any longer.  Learn. Do. Pay attention.  You and your wife will be better off as a result of your "good eye."